1. What kind of ants are found in houses?
> I don't know.
OccupANTS!
2. Why was the tennis player given a cigarette lighter at the end of the competition?
> I don't know.
Because he had lost all his matches!
3. Mum, do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time"?
> No, darling. Some start with, "Sorry I'm so late, darling, I was detained at the office.
4. A man went to a hospital for a new brain. He was given a choice between two brains -an engineer's for €20,000 or a politician's for €500,000.
Does that mean the politician's brain is much better?
> Not exactly, said the doctor. The politician's brain has never been used.
5. I have been asked to get married hundreds of times.
> Oh! Who by?
My parents.
6. The body of a man was found in a house yerterday. The body had been chopped up into a thousand pieces and placed in a large plastic bag. Police have not ruled out suicide.
7. One week after he arrived in prison, Walter Gidon had his appendix removed. Soon after that he had two fingers amputated after an acciden in the prison kitchen. The prison boss said to one of the wardens:
> Keep an eye on him. I think he's trying to escape bit by bit.
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